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Knock Knock. Who’s there? Jesus. JESUS WHO?

Uhh you don’t know Jesus?

Why did the insect refuse to fly coach?

It only traveled on two-band flights.

Why did the TV show about little liars get such great ratings?

Because the plot was pretty compelling.

Why did the maid on Gossip Girl always know everyone's secrets?

She was great at Polish-ing off the dirty details.

Why did the farmer refuse to leave his property?

He was too attached to his acres of land — it was a growing concern.

Why did the actor refuse to open his car door for anyone?

He didn't want to let anyone Perez inside.

Why did the lawyer refuse to argue about farm workers' rights?

He didn't want to labor the point.

Why did the tourist refuse to leave the Polish village?

He said he'd finally found a place to settle — it was his Osiedle.

Why did the psychologist bring a blanket to the lecture?

He wanted to cover Freud's slip.

Why did the student get kicked out of the Anglican church choir?

He couldn't stop passing notes.

Why did the Irish priest refuse to leave his parish?

He was too attached to his flock — and his temple port.

Why did the parrot snake fail its speech class?

It could only manage a hiss-toric performance.

Why did the tourist refuse to leave the Spanish village?

He found the town too Seville to quit.

Why did the chicken refuse to leave the arts festival?

She heard it was all about incubating new talent.

Why did the Dutch painter refuse to finish his masterpiece?

He said he couldn't handle the pressure — too many strokes.

Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?

She wanted to tie the score.

Why did the jeweler move to Kolkata?

He heard there was a whole locality full of manik-talas — gem trays everywhere!

Why did the basketball player refuse to visit Greece?

He was afraid he'd get called for too many turnovers at the bakery.

Why did the economics professor break up with the thesaurus?

She found out he had too many issues with commitment — and synonyms.

Why did the medical student fail his activism exam?

He couldn't stop staging a protest — his patients had no patience.

Why did the French beekeeper move to Burgundy?

He heard the region had the best bées.

Why did the train conductor always win arguments?

He never lost his train of thought.

Why did the soccer defender refuse to play cards in Daegu?

He was too good at blocking — nobody could ever deal with him.

Why did the firefighter bring a book to every emergency?

He wanted to be well-read before things got too heated.

Why did the coin collector move to Washington, D.C.?

He heard there was a whole quarter named after Penn.

Why did the old house in Massachusetts break up with its owner?

It felt like they were just going through the motions — no real foundation.

Why did the playwright refuse to finish his story about royalty?

He was afraid of the yellow press giving him a bad king review.

Why did the mosquito do so well in astronomy class?

It already knew all about Urano-taenia.

Why did the geologist break up with her boyfriend?

She felt no spark — he just took her for granite.

Why did the soccer player bring string to the match?

He wanted to tie the game.

Why did the soccer defender refuse to share his bread?

Because he was a full-back and never gave up a roll.

Why did the Swiss pilot refuse to fly with a baby goat on board?

He didn't want any kids in the cockpit.

Why did the old printer refuse to retire?

He said he wasn't ready to be out of press.

Why did the tourist refuse to leave the old French church?

He'd been in the Marais so long, he was stuck in a sacrement.

Why did the captain refuse to leave the strait?

He was too attached to the ferry tale.

Why did the Australian train conductor always get invited to parties?

Because he knew how to stay on track and keep things railing along.

Why did the chemistry student break up with the base solution?

It was too OH-verbearing.

Why did the military cartographer get fired from the dating app?

He kept drawing lines but couldn't commit to any boundaries.

Why did the tiny moth refuse to leave the wetland?

It was bogged down.

Why did the chicken refuse to jump off the roof to save the day?

Because that plan was fowl and he didn't want to wing it.

Why did the trolley driver break up with the road?

He said their relationship had too many strings attached.

Why did the soldier refuse to leave the boat?

He didn't want to abandon his anchor management duties.

Why did the tailor refuse to finish the blanket?

He didn't want to get too wrapped up in his work.

Why did the architect get emotional while designing the church?

He kept getting choked up over the nave.

Why did the movie director keep filming his mom and dad arguing?

He wanted to capture their raw drama — it runs in the family.

Why did the billboard go to acting school?

It wanted a bigger part in the square.

Why did the Italian midfielder refuse to play cards?

He was tired of always being dealt with in the middle.

Why did the pilot refuse to fly over the Baltic states?

He didn't want to go on another Riga-marole.

Why did the Bollywood actress refuse to leave the movie set?

She didn't want to make a scene — but it was already in the script.

Why did the Swedish archaeologist break up with his girlfriend?

He kept finding faults in everything.

Why did the orchid break up with the fern?

It said the relationship had no roots.

Why did the electric car break up with the gas truck?

There was no spark between them — it had already taken the charge.

Why did the firefighter bring a ladder to the bar?

He heard the drinks were on the house.

Why did the social entrepreneur refuse to sit down at the meeting?

He always wanted to be a baron — so he kept raising the bar.

Why did the thorny vegetable break up with the smooth potato?

It said the relationship was too prickly to mash together.

Why did the gemologist refuse to leave Myanmar's ruby mines?

He was too attached to the Shan stones to cut ties.

Why did the tourist refuse to leave the Mexican valley?

He said he was going through a really deep phase.

Why did the Italian village break up with the city?

It needed more space — it was tired of being a fraction of the relationship.

Why did the crane fly refuse to carry any luggage at the airport?

It said, "I'm a crane fly, not a crane, fly."

Why did the preacher start a TV network in New Orleans?

He wanted to reach people on a higher channel.

Why did the baker work so hard during the holidays?

He kneaded the dough.

Why did the gardener plant light bulbs?

He wanted to grow a power plant.

Why did the belt get arrested?

It was holding up a pair of pants.

Why did the mountain climber break up with the valley?

Their relationship had too many ups and downs.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

Because its days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

Its days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

Its days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

It felt like their days were numbered.

Why did the piano take a ladder to work?

Because it wanted to reach the high notes.

Why did the blender join the band?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Why did the elevator take a nap?

Because it was tired of going up and down all day.

Why did the blender join the band?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Why did the blender join the band?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Why did the elevator refuse to tell secrets?

Because it couldn't handle the ups and downs.

Why did the blender take a nap?

Because it was feeling mixed up.

Why did the blender start a band?

Because it wanted to make some smooth jams.

Why did the blender join the band?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Why did the cactus bring an umbrella?

Because it was expecting a little prickly weather.

What do you call a squeaky piano?

A flat minor.

Why did the blender apply for a job?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Why did the blender go to school?

Because it wanted to mix well with others.

Why did the blender join the band?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Why did the blender join the band?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Why did the blender join the band?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Why did the blender join the band?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Did you hear about the haunted bakery?

Their bread kept coming back as toast—talk about raising spirits!

Why did the computer go to therapy?

Because it had too many unresolved issues.

Why did the cactus join the orchestra?

Because it was a natural at picking up notes.

Why did the blender join the band?

Because it wanted to mix things up.

Why did the blender go to therapy?

Because it couldn't handle its mixed feelings.

Why did the elevator break up with the escalator?

Because it needed some space to lift its spirits.

Why did the blender get promoted?

Because it knew how to mix things up.

What do you call a magnetic pineapple?

A fruit attraction.

What do you call a sleepy piano?

A nap-sharp.

Why did the blender take a nap?

Because it was feeling mixed up.

Why did the computer go to art class?

Because it wanted to improve its mouse skills.

Why did the blender take a nap?

Because it was tired of spinning its wheels.

Why did the blender get promoted?

Because it always mixed things up.

Why did the elevator take a nap?

Because it was tired of all the ups and downs.

What do you call a squeaky blender?

A smooth operator.

What do you call a magnetic banana?

A fruit attraction.

Why did the cactus go to the party?

Because it wanted to have a sharp time.

What do you call a squeaky elevator?

A lift squeal.

Why did the elevator take a nap?

Because it was tired of going up and down all day.